


WIP Amnesty: Who In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

by aimmyarrowshigh



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Netflix), Carmen Sandiego - All Media Types, WIP Amnesty - Fandom, Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-13 02:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17479685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimmyarrowshigh/pseuds/aimmyarrowshigh
Summary: INT. – ACME HEADQUARTERS, CAFETERIA – NIGHTZackary sits slumped over the long chrome cafeteria table, his cheek resting directly on the metal.  Several empty coffee cups surround his head, along with a plate full of crumbs and a half-eaten donut with chocolate icing and colored sprinkles.IVYWhat could she possibly want with everything she has?ZACKARY(Mumbling, half asleep.)Eh, it’s probably something noble.IVYWhat?ZACKARYShe probably doesn’t want them at all.  It’s probably something else.  She probably wants… something… else.Zackary falls asleep on the table, but Ivy continues to eat and sort through the papers in Carmen Sandiego’s file.IVYSomething noble… that might be it.WhoisCarmen Sandiego?---Or, an AU/WIP amnesty backstory for la femme rouge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in undergrad for my screenwriting class! But in the spirit of being really excited that there's a new Carmen Sandiego series out (AND IT'S GREAT, if VERY different from the orig) I thought I would post this up here. I wrote it 12 years ago, so *hopefully* it's worse than what I usually post, but it's always hard to judge your own growth and whatnot.

**FADE IN:**

**EXT. - THE V.I.L.E HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT**

_The V.I.L.E headquarters building is a huge warehouse, white or gray brick, with an imposing air. It is surrounded by a barbed wire fence with some fabric scraps stuck in the barbs._

_LIGHTNING FLASHES. Red graffiti spelling out “ACME Sucks” is seen on the wall._

_THUNDER. Through the gathering puddles of mud in the V.I.L.E compound, a pair of black-stockinged legs with black high heels walks purposefully towards a GUARD BOOTH._

_LIGHTNING FLASHES. A black-leather-gloved hand types 8-4-5-3 (“V-I-L-E”) into a numeric code pad. The LEGS step inside the guard booth._

__

**INT. – GUARD BOOTH – NIGHT**

_There is a mechanized, soothing, female voice speaking._

**VOICEOVER**

Welcome to the V.I.L.E Headquarters. Lowering cell to outer chambers.

_The GUARD BOOTH stops moving; there is the swirl of a red trench coat as the woman inside exits._

**INT. – V.I.L.E OUTER CHAMBERS – NIGHT**

_A spotless, all-metal room: completely empty and bare save for another code pad next to a smooth, knobless metal door._

_The black leather glove is removed with a flourish, revealing a beautiful – almost sexual – female hand with red manicured nails. The index finger of this hand is pressed flat to the code pad._

**INSERT:** _Green computerized writing scrolling through characters around the finger on code pad. Finally, the scrolling stops, and the finger is removed. In the same green letters, the screen reads_

IDENTITY CONFIRMED.

SANDIEGO, CARMEN.

_The metal door dissolves, and the walls on either side of it slide noiselessly to opposite sides, revealing a room of gargantuan proportions, emphasized by the fact that in the very center of the vault – behind what used to be the metal door – sits the Sphinx. As in the ancient Egyptian monument._

**VOICEOVER**

Welcome, Carmen Sandiego, to the V.I.L.E Inner Chambers.

_The profile of CARMEN SANDIEGO looks into the room. She is a stunningly beautiful woman with a film noir detective movie sex kitten edge. She has long brown hair, and most of her face is concealed behind a large floppy red fedora with a black hatband – the only visible facial features are a pristine white jaw, chin, and bright red lips._

__It is essential that no more of her face is ever shown._ _

__

__

_Carmen Sandiego walks into the vault._

**INT. – V.I.L.E LOOT VAULT – NIGHT**

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

My name is Carmen Sandiego. I am a master thief.

_Carmen Sandiego pulls a clipboard from inside her red trench coat and begins a round of the vault, collecting inventory. She first approaches the sphinx, and makes a mark on the clipboard._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

My vault holds in its depths all of the wonders of the world.

 _Carmen Sandiego continues to make her rounds, marking on her clipboard. Included in the vault are: The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Temple of Artemis, The Great Pyramid of Giza, The Olympian statue of Zeus, the Colossus of Rhodes, the Eiffel Tower, a pool or plastic bag of huge proportion labeled “The Caspian Sea,” The Empire State Building, The Golden Gate Bridge, The Taj Mahal, the raised hulk of the Titanic, Machu Picchu, a glass aquarium that spans an entire wall and is labeled “The Indian Ocean,” the Terracotta Army of Xi’an, the scrolls from the library at Alexandria, etc._

_The ceiling is Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel fresco._

_Safes, trunks, and treasure chests fill the floor and available wall space; some are open revealing mounds of gold, silver, jewels, etc., and other are full of documents._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

My adversaries usually have but two questions for me when… if… they find me: Why and how.

Those are my secrets.

This is my story.


	2. Chapter 2

**EXT. - THE V.I.L.E HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT**

_The figure of Carmen Sandiego darts gracefully through the rain and slides into the driver’s seat of a black-and-white classic Thunderbird with tasteful red and silver detailing._

**EXT. – CARMEN SANDIEGO’S THUNDERBIRD – NIGHT**

_Carmen Sandiego, driving, is visible through the rain-spattered windshield._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

In all honesty, both the why and how should be obvious. But I suppose that’s why I do it – because it should be obvious, and yet it seems to be the most unsolvable case in the criminal world.

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

It’s delicious.

**EXT. – RANCH HOUSE – NIGHT**

_The Thunderbird stops in the driveway of a modest white ranch-style house, set in a grassy knoll filled with waterlogged wildflowers, and in seclusion insofar as there are no visible neighboring houses._

_The derriere silhouette of Carmen Sandiego, resplendent in the red fedora and trench, darts to the front door of the house._

_The door opens, revealing_

**INT. – RANCH HOUSE – NIGHT**

_A red velvet chaise longue next to an ebony side table with a Tiffany lamp. The Mona Lisa hangs above the chaise longue._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

I generally think of my endeavors as… good works. For the world. Or at the very least, for world intelligence. If anyone were ever to pinpoint the why and how, I would be the first to applaud.

I don’t steal things for me. _(Carmen Sandiego looks fondly at the Mona Lisa.)_ Alright, some things I might steal for me.

_Carmen Sandiego removes the red trench coat, revealing an almost identical red trench-style dress._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

However, I mostly steal things just to show the world that it can be done… to show ACME that it can be done untraceably. And to show myself that it can be done by me.

_Carmen Sandiego walks – still in the black heels – into the_

**INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT**

_Carmen Sandiego dons a white apron with black trim and sets to preparing a gourmet dinner for one – black truffles, vintage wines, exotic spices, etc. – whatever the market determines a valuable and rare culinary good._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

If ACME ever does catch me, I’m sure the first thing that they will do is assign to me a vast team of world-class psychologists for analysis.

I can do their job for them. Rather, I can say exactly what they’ll say: “Carmen Sandiego turned to crime after losing everything worth living for and, subsequently, all of her dreams and hopes.”

That’s not entirely true.

_A black-and-ginger CAT wearing an enormous diamond collar wanders into the kitchen and rubs against Carmen Sandiego’s legs._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

I still have Carmine.

_(Carmen Sandiego picks up CARMINE, then fondles the diamond collar. It is recognizably the Hope Diamond.)_

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

He helps me hold onto a lot of... Hope.

_(Carmen Sandiego lets Carmine go, and he runs off.)_

…These are the jokes. I hope that the ACME psychologists like them if they catch me next Thursday. 

6:48 PM. 

Sharp.


	3. Chapter 3

**EXT. – ACME WORLD HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT**

_In contrast to the hidden, foreboding air of the V.I.L.E. HQs, the ACME headquarters is an ultra-modern, ultra-clean, highly visible skyscraper right on the side of a busy highway – the city housing the edifice must be indistinguishable (it could be New York, it could be Chicago, it could be Tokyo, Berlin, London, Hong Kong… etc.) – lighting the rainy night sky with a large neon “ACME” sign._

_Though the ACME Headquarters building is ultramodern, the era is likewise anachronistic – Thunderbirds and other classic cars rush the streets, some buildings are very old-fashioned; the dress of pedestrians is equable to that of Carmen Sandiego – something of a 1930’s – 1950’s hodge-podge._

**INT. – ACME WORLD HEADQUARTERS, A/V ROOM – NIGHT**

_This room looks like something of a modernized, chromatized turn-of-the-century telephone operating station._

_Asleep at one cubicle, with his headphones still on, is ZACKARY, a skinny young man with out-of-control dark hair, thin-rimmed glasses, wrinkled work clothes, and a slightly askew string tie. The computer monitor in front of him is spiking with colors and letters, then stops and a scrolling row of letters in the standard ticker tape font begin to roll across the screen._

**INSERT:** ACME BULLETIN! CARMEN SANDIEGO VOICE DETECTION CONFIRMED. ACME BULLETIN! CARMEN SANDIEGO VOICE DETECTION CONFIRMED.

_Zackary continues sleeping, despite the rest of the room becoming a roar of flashing lights and alarms._

_The door opens._

_IVY, an unconventionally pretty girl – a little heavyset, with short, curly dark hair; thick-framed glasses, possibly cats’-eye; and a school uniform-like work outfit – rushes into the room._

_Ivy looks around the room, then sees Zackary asleep at his desk._

**IVY**

Zack! Zack, wake up!

**ZACKARY**

_(Grunts)_  
Ivy? Hmm? Whazzat? What’s going on?

**IVY**

Zack, this is our chance; come on!

Let’s go, Sleepy Steven!

**ZACKARY**

I hate when you call people by alliteration-based situational nicknames…

**IVY**

I know, I know, I’m just so excited! Now get a move on, Lazy Larry!

_Zackary finally gets up from his desk and shrugs into his suitcoat._

**INT. – ACME HEADQUARTERS, STAIRCASE – NIGHT**

**ZACKARY**

What’s got you so riled up… Excitable… Edie?

**IVY**

Edie is too close to Ivy.

**ZACKARY**

Well… whatever. What’s so exciting?

**IVY**

Carmen Sandiego’s back on the move!

**ZACKARY**

So?

**IVY**

So? We’re the only two agents on duty!

**ZACKARY**

Ivy… we’re just gumshoes.

**IVY**

Then why did The Chief page me and tell me to find you and come to her office?

**ZACKARY**

To… get coffee for the agents she’s called in from offsite?

**IVY**

I think not, my friend! I think we’re getting a shot! A real case. And not just any case: a Carmen case!

**ZACKARY**

Ivy, we’re ACME. Every case is a Carmen case.

**IVY**

Not exactly, Zack! Some of them are just Carmen’s HENCHMEN. This is CARMEN.

**ZACKARY**

Alright, alright. I guess we’ll just see who’s right. In the meantime, I’m going to start pricing out non-dairy creamer.

_Zackary and Ivy stand outside a hi-tech metal door. A black camera bulb swivels on the ceiling to point directly at them._

**THE CHIEF (O.S.)**

Enter!

**ZACKARY**

_(Gulps.)_


	4. Chapter 4

**INT. – ACME HEADQUARTERS, CHIEF’S OFFICE – NIGHT**

_The Chief’s office looks suspiciously like the Oval Office, except that the rug on the floor is not the US Official Seal, but instead the ACME Emblem. Items on the desk and walls should very subtly move of their own volition._

_THE CHIEF, a black woman in a crisp red-and-yellow uniform, sits behind the presidential desk._

**THE CHIEF**

Welcome, gumshoes!

**IVY & ZACKARY**

Good evening, Chief.

**ZACKARY**

What’s the scoop?

**THE CHIEF**

The infamous Carmen Sandiego is at it again! This time she’s planning to make off with another priceless artifact… some sources claim The Bermuda Triangle. Just like her, too; things disappear and are never found again.

**ZACKARY**

The Bermuda Triangle? But that’s ridiculous!

**IVY**

Zack, be quiet!

**ZACKARY**

But it is! How could anyone steal a mythical, undefined sector of a body of water? It just isn’t possible!

**IVY**

She stole the Great Barrier Reef.

**ZACKARY**

That’s defined; it’s on a map. It’s actually on a lot of maps.

**IVY**

She stole the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Until she did that, it was undetermined whether they’d ever existed.

**ZACKARY**

Then how do we know she really stole it?

**THE CHIEF**

Enough nonsense!

We’re not sure how, we’re not sure when. 

I just know this: to recover this valuable geological feature and catch that hornswagglingly cunning criminal mastermind, ACME needs the best detectives in the agency –

**IVY**

_(in wonderment)_  
Us?

**THE CHIEF**

No. Not even close. All of the best detectives are institutionalized or on sabbatical from their past endeavors in catching Carmen. But if we’re going to even botch the case, I’ve got to give it to you two.

**ZACKARY**

We’re going to catch Carmen Sandiego?

**THE CHIEF**

Probably not. But you’d better golly well try.

_The Chief opens a desk drawer and pulls out a stuffed manila envelope. A blurry picture of Carmen (her face, of course, hidden by her red hat) is paper clipped to the front flap._

**THE CHIEF (continuing)**

Here’s everything you’ll need to know about Carmen.

At any rate, it’s everything we know about Carmen.

Just remember: Carmen Sandiego is a supercrook. She’ll flim-flam every nation if given the chance.

Now go get ‘er!

**ZACKARY & IVY**

Yes ma’am!

**IVY**

Thank you. For this chance.

**INT. – ACME HEADQUARTERS, CORRIDOR – NIGHT**

**ZACKARY**

_(Flipping through the Carmen Sandiego file.)_  
OK, Ivy... Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? 


	5. Chapter 5

**INT. – CARMEN SANDIEGO’S HOUSE – NIGHT**

_Carmen Sandiego sits, wearing a red kimono robe and her red hat, on an enormous brass bed with black satin bedclothes. Carmine sits on her lap, lapping up cream from the golden bowl Carmen Sandiego proffers him._

_Carmen Sandiego sets the golden bowl on the foot of the bed and Carmine stalks to it, then lies down and continues to calmly lap at the cream._

_Carmen Sandiego picks up a crystal goblet of red wine from the mahogany bedside table and takes a sip, then sighs._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO**

We’ll get him, Carmine. We’ll get him. Even if it means getting caught ourselves.

**CARMINE**

_(Meows impatiently.)_

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (continuing)**

I know, sweetheart… I love the collar, too.

Maybe ACME will let us keep it once we help them capture the real villain.

**CARMINE**

_(Hisses.)_

**INT. – ACME HEADQUARTERS, CAFETERIA – NIGHT**

_Zackary sits slumped over the long chrome cafeteria table, his cheek resting directly on the metal. Several empty coffee cups surround his head, along with a plate full of crumbs and a half-eaten donut with chocolate icing and colored sprinkles._

_Ivy returns to the table, carrying an ice blue tray laden with a mug of green tea, a bowl of tomato soup, a sandwich on brown breads with sprouts slopping out of the sides, and an enormous slice of chocolate cake._

**ZACKARY**

Ivy… it’s four in the morning… we have to be at the briefing at eight… let me go home and get some sleep…

**IVY**

This rap sheet is fascinating! The Chrysler Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Sydney Opera House, St. Peter’s Basilica…

**ZACKARY**

Ivy… sleep…

**IVY (continuing)**

The Pictish language…

What could she possibly want with everything she has?

**ZACKARY**

_(Mumbling, half-asleep.)_  
Eh, it’s probably something noble.

**IVY**

What?

**ZACKARY**

She probably doesn’t want them at all. It’s probably something else. She probably wants… something… else.

_Zackary falls asleep on the table, but Ivy continues to eat and sort through the papers in Carmen Sandiego’s file._

**IVY**

Something noble… that might be it.

Who is Carmen Sandiego?

_Ivy riffles through the papers._

**IVY (continuing)**

Bio… bio… Ah! Here it is. Carmen Isabella Sandiego. She has a middle name? Fascinating… Born to – no wonder she turned out how she did! I remember learning this in my history classes! 


	6. Chapter 6

**INT. – CARMEN SANDIEGO’S KITCHEN – MORNING**

_Carmen Sandiego sits at the ebony kitchen table in her red silk kimono and fedora, sipping coffee from a heavy white mug. A porcelain plate, gilt-edged, with eggs benedict topped with shaved white truffle, sits in front of her._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

Even if I hadn’t turned to thievery, I would probably be living in this life of luxury.

My father was Malcolm Avalon.

**EXT. – THE AVALON INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL BULDING - DAY**

_MALCOLM AVALON, a young, dark-haired, Rockefeller-esque man in a crisp tuxedo, jauntily descending the steps of a marble-columned building._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

My mother was Swedish model Anaïs Andersson.

**INT. – HÄARPER’S BAZAAR MAGAZINE PHOTO STUDIO - DAY**

_ANAÏS ANDERSSON, a willowy, busty brunette with eyelashes to die for and legs for days, in an emerald green satin ball gown, posing for an old-fashioned flashbulb camera, much of her face hidden to the camera by shadows and eyelashes._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

Together, they had a net worth of over twenty billion US dollars.

My birth was noted in every paper in the free world. I was a princess of industry.

**EXT. – NATIONAL HOSPITAL - MORNING**

_Malcolm Avalon and Anaïs Andersson exiting a Gothic-style hospital amidst crowds of reporters. Anaïs, wearing a veiled pillbox hat and enormous eyelashes, is carrying a bundle of white blankets. A peek inside reveals a sleeping baby, its face – except for its lips and nose – are invisible, due to a red christening cap._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

As a result, things of value were always very much of interest to me.

**INT. – THE AVALON MANSION, DINING ROOM - DAY**

_Baby Carmen Sandiego, in her red christening cap and a white lace infant gown, seated on the emerald-satined lap of Anaïs. Baby Carmen Sandiego pulls the enormous diamond ring off Anaïs’ finger and pops it in her (Carmen’s) mouth._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)**

From everything that I’ve read about the empire of Malcolm Avalon, this interest in all things beautiful, expensive, and important was probably inherited.

Unlike my parents, however, my quest for the acquisition of treasures will not lead to my downfall.


	7. Chapter 7

**INT. – ACME WORLD HEADQUARTERS, CAFETERIA – MORNING**

_IVY is still hard at work, painstakingly copying every word from the enormous Carmen Sandiego file into a spiral notebook. Several other spiral notebooks of varying colors sit beside her. On her other side, the ice blue cafeteria trays are stacked, and full of dirty dishes. At the moment, Ivy is drinking what looks like her tenth mug of green tea, and eating a very large banana-nut muffin._

_ZACKARY is asleep where we last left him._

_ZACKARY blinks, and stirs himself from sleep._

**ZACKARY**

Ivy? What time is it? …What are you doing?

**IVY**

Well, Sleepy Samuel, I am copying the Carmen Sandiego file.

**ZACKARY**

Why?

**IVY**

Because the original file is a mess. No wonder no one’s caught her yet.

**ZACKARY**

_(skeptical, jibing)_  
And it’ll be less of a mess when it’s written by hand in a spiral notebook?

**IVY**

Seven spiral notebooks.

Color-coded. _(She holds up each notebook as she mentions it.)_ Red: Carmen case notes. Her actual dirty deeds… thefts, cons, etc.

Green: Carmen leads. Places people think they’ve spotted her, people who have claimed to be her.

Blue: Carmen’s known personal history.

Yellow: Carmen’s SUSPECTED personal history –

**ZACKARY**

OK, OK. So where do you want me to start reading before the briefing?

**IVY**

Blue. You can read it on the way, the briefing starts in ten minutes.

_Zackary and Ivy leave their table a mess. A CAFETERIA LADY with a hairnet and an eye patch shakes her fist at them._

**INT. ACME WORLD HEADQUARTERS, STAIRCASE – MORNING**

**ZACKARY**

Carmen Isabella Sandiego – Isabella? Really? Huh. – Born to – Oh, wow. She was the Avalon baby?

**IVY**

She was the Avalon baby.

**ZACKARY**

_(in wonderment)_  
But I thought all three of them died…

**IVY**

So did everyone else.

**ZACKARY**

Do we know she’s for real? A LOT of people have pretended to be the Avalon baby. Besides, how could anyone survive –

**IVY**

She’s Carmen Sandiego.

**ZACKARY**

Right. 


	8. Chapter 8

**EXT. – THE AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE HOTEL – DAY**

_The Amaryllis St. Eglentine is an upper-upper crust, ultraritzy hotel situated on a busy city street in the same unidentifiable city as the ACME- and V.I.L.E. Headquarters. It is significantly grander than every building surrounding it, although they are all clearly retreats for royalty and their economic equivalents._

_Women in the finest designer and haute fashion from the 1920’s to the 1950’s walk arm-in-arm along the sidewalk outside with men in dapper suits and tuxedos._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

I’m sure everyone remembers the horrific bombing of the Amaryllis St. Eglentine.

 _The Amaryllis St. Eglentine explodes, a strange, surreal explosion more like a great and terrible macabre fireworks display than an act of violence: the flames sparkle and swirl in a myriad of colors; the beautiful marble walls of the Amaryllis St. Eglentine burst straight towards the sky and their rubble arc like Chinese rockets to the ground. The men and women on the sidewalk fling themselves to the ground; they are covered in rubble. The sky turns black and blazes with a surreal orange-and-blue flamescape._

_The remaining wall stubble of the building falls as though crushed into powder by a giant hand, revealing nothing but ash sparkling with hundreds of diamonds inside the late Amaryllis St. Eglentine._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

Kings and queens were killed;

**INT. – THE AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE (INTACT) – TEA TIME**

_The Amaryllis St. Eglentine Rose Tea Room is a vision in shades of dusty jade and mauve, with inlaid diamonds and filigreed gold in the astonishingly detailed molding._

_The tables are all small and round and set with white linen woven with pure gold strands; each table holds three people, and all are occupied._

_On each luscious table spread are tiered silver offering trays laden with the most delicate, delectable pastries; fine, small, thin tea sandwiches (all sans crust); and small hôrs d’œuvres of varying sizes, shapes, and colors, but all bearing very visible caviar._

_The royalty of most of Western Europe (distinguishable by their stodgy, upper-crust fashion and the enormous crowns/tiaras they wear on their either blond- or gray-haired heads) tinkle a laugh and sip their tea._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

czars and shahs;

**INT. – THE AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE (INTACT) – SUNSET**

_The Amaryllis St. Eglentine billiards room is a definite Men’s Club: rich mahogany, deep emerald green velvet, and air dense with cigar smoke. Rubies, emeralds, and topaz stud the mahogany walls and furniture._

_Men in the stereotypic dress of the Arab and Eastern world – satins and furs and large handlebar mustaches - all dark, all a little bit menacing, smoke fat cigars banded with gold and bloodstone rings and play pool on an ebony table, or deal cards printed on the smoothest of vellums._

_The one woman present, a Mata Hari dripping with diamonds, smokes a cigarette from an onyx cigaretto and throws darts into a perfect grouping of bulls’-eyes on the wall opposite her seat at the bar._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

the world was thrown into chaos.

**EXT. – A TRENCHED BATTLEFIELD – DAY**

_A battle more of the style of WWII than Afghanistan, but with the whinnies of charging horses and men with flashing swords fighting alongside the rumbling tanks and spattering machine guns, rages in an empty, dead field. A haze of gray-green smoke makes it impossible to tell the time or weather, and brilliantly white-hot flames dance in small pools of fire on the pockmarked ground._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

No one remembers it more than I.

**EXT. – THE BURNING AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE – DAY**

_The same burning scene as earlier, only the tiny figure of a very little girl, probably four years old, clutching some kind of necklace (it dangles from her little fist, outline visible only), stands in shock next to the ruins of the building, silhouetted by the smoke._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

No one else who was there lived to remember it at all, and those who weren’t there can never really know what happened.

_The little girl in the smoke – a pre-kindergarten Carmen Sandiego, the outline of her red tea hat just visible – sees the oncoming mass of horrified pedestrians, policemen, and reporters sporting old-fashioned box microphones, and turns around, then runs full tilt into the darkness of the smoke. She disappears before anyone can be sure they really saw her._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. – continuing)**

But I know.

And that’s why ACME has to catch me Thursday.


	9. Chapter 9

**INT. – ACME WORLD HEADQUARTERS, BRIEFING ROOM – DAY**

_Zackary and Ivy rush into the room. Zackary is still absorbed in the blue notebook; Ivy carries all the rest in a black binder. They both stop abruptly when they reach the conference room._

_Seated around a large, brushed steel table in the middle of the room are The Chief, CHASE DEVINEAUX, PENELOPE PAPARAZOULOUS, EGBERT “FLASH” DWIEBLY, JULIA “JULES” ARGENT, ROBERT “SHADOW” HAWKINS, and IVAN IDEJA._

**THE CHIEF**

Come in, gumshoes!

_Seated to her left is ROBERT “SHADOW” HAWKINS, a shorter, very stocky, beefy, bald man in full military regalia. He has a monocle clasped in his left eye and a silver pocket watch in his right hand._

**SHADOW HAWKINS**

Yeah, get in ‘ere and stop wastin’ my time. _(as though cursing)_ Gumshoes.

_Next to him, the beautiful JULIA “JULES” ARGENT, who could be a clone of Carmen Sandiego, though in contrast her face is covered by a floppy baby pink hat with a black net veil, and her lips are a bright 1950’s bubblegum-pink. She is wearing a very 1950’s-haute couture pink day dress and little black satin gloves, slaps his huge arm playfully yet clearly in admonishment._

_Her voice has a gentle Georgian drawl._

**JULES ARGENT**

Now, really, Shadow. Look at the little things, they’re scared as possums on the rafter of a gun shed.

_FLASH DWIEBLY, a small man who looks more or less like his last name infers – short, skinny, gangly; he has a tuft of ashy hair sticking straight up from the back of his head, and he is wearing a stained, off-white dress shirt with short sleeves, a plaid clip-on bow tie, striped suspenders, and pants that are a little too short; he has very thick coke bottle glasses and several calculators and pens in his pocket protector – is seated beside Jules._

_Flash pushes up his glasses._

**FLASH DWIEBLY**

I – I – I ag-agr-agree with Sh-Shadow. They – They’re l-l-late.

**JULES ARGENT**

Flash, sugar pie, you have got to stop letting Shadow bully you like a sheepdog pushes around a lamb.

**FLASH DWIEBLY**

_(Looks at Shadow. Gulps.)_  
He – he – he doesn’t pu-push m-m-m-m-m-m-

**SHADOW HAWKINS**

We get the picture, little man.  
 _(to Zackary & Ivy)_  
Sit down already!

**ZACKARY & IVY**

Yessir!  
 _(They sit.)_

**THE CHIEF**

Alright, gumshoes! Carmen Sandiego’s at it again: we have received information that she plans to steal something big this Thursday at between 6:45 and 6:50 PM.

Are you up to the task?

**IVY**

Yes, ma’am!

_Seated in the place of honor at the Chief’s right is CHASE DEVINEAUX, a man in his late 20’s or early 30’s. He has a bright yellow zoot suit that somehow comes off as more stylish than gaudy and blond hair slicked back a la Detective Noir Of The 1950’s._

_Chase Devineaux looks up._

**CHASE DEVINEAUX**

No, you’re not.

**JULES ARGENT**

Why, Chase!

**CHASE DEVINEAUX**

They’re not. No one is really up to the task of catching Carmen Sandiego.

_Next to Chase, and across from Jules, is Penelope Paparazoulous, a larger, olive-skinned, very Greek-looking woman. She’s wearing a blue dress with a white fleur-de-lis pattern, elaborate rhinestone glasses (comparable to those worn by the character of Mrs. Peacock in the 1985 cult classic CLUE) and has an enormous flashbulb camera hanging around her neck._

**PENELOPE PAPPARAZI**

You’re just bitter, Chase.

**CHASE DEVINEAUX**

Am I?

Aren’t you?

Aren’t we all?

_IVAN ICHDEA, a very large young man with a gold hoop earring and a black goatee, wearing a denim three-piece suit with the chains of several gold watches hanging all over him and rolled blueprints in his deep vest pockets, sits beside Penelope._

**IVAN ICHDEA**

I vould not say that vot I am is bitter, if I had to choose vun feelink.

**FLASH DWIEBLY**

I-I-I’m not b-bit-bit-bitter, Ch-Chase.

**JULES ARGENT**

Surely not, Chasey! I’d say I’m about as bitter as a brown sugar pie!

**CHASE DEVINEAUX**

Then none of you have ever really wanted to catch Carmen Sandiego.

**IVAN ICHDEA**

_(Suggestively)_  
Vell... not ze vay you did, Devineaux.

_Chase Devineaux stands up and lunges across the table, grabbing Ivan Ichdea’s collar._


	10. Chapter 10

**EXT. – CARMEN SANDIEGO’S THUNDERBIRD – DAY**

_Carmen Sandiego adjusts her rearview mirror and glances into it as she drives._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

What ACME doesn’t seem to realize is that it’s their own fault I give them so much trouble.

If they weren’t such bumbling idiots, I never would have left them.

**EXT. – THE RUINS OF THE AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE – NIGHT**

_The four-year-old Carmen Sandiego, in her red tea hat and very soiled red-and-white party dress, kneels just outside the smoldering ruins of ash and diamonds on the ground, partially concealed by the smoke._

_She stares at the locket in her hand and, trembling, fastens it around her neck._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

I learned young that sometimes, thievery is the only way to keep things where they should be.

**INT. – THE AMARYLLIS ST. EGLENTINE [INTACT] – EARLY MORNING**

_YOUNG CARMEN SANDIEGO sits beside Anaïs Andersson at a lavish breakfast table. Anaïs wears the locket along with her emerald green satin Edwardian-style morning dress. A swoop of silver-blonde hair obscures her eyes from the camera. Young Carmen Sandiego pouts beneath her red tea hat._

**ANAÏS ANDERSSON**

Carmen, darling, eat your oatmeal.

**YOUNG CARMEN SANDIEGO**

I don’t want to eat my oatmeal. I want eggs benedict like you.

**ANAÏS ANDERSSON**

Alright, love. You certainly do always know what you want. When the maître’d comes back, we’ll get you some eggs.

**YOUNG CARMEN SANDIEGO**

Thank you, Mummy.

**ANAÏS ANDERSSON**

You’re very welcome, darling. Come give mummy a hug.

 _Young Carmen hugs her mother. As she hugs her, she unclasps the locket and deftly removes it from her (Anaïs’) neck._

_At that moment, the Amaryllis St. Eglentine explodes in a swirl of red, orange, white, and blue._

**EXT. – CARMEN SANDIEGO’S THUNDERBIRD – DAY**

_Carmen continues driving. She passes a majestic red rock mountain range – the city from whence she came should be just visible in her rearview mirror._

**CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O.)**

When all you have is a red hat, the ability to read, and a talent for deception… there’s only one place to go. 


End file.
